remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
