I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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