okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
