Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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