I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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