Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
