yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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