Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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(480): View more from Arizona

My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.

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(518): View more from New York

Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.

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(740): View more from Ohio

she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship

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(802): View more from Vermont

Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend

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(303): View more from Colorado

Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower

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