I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
