Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
