We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
