I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
