Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
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Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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