hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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