did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize