Can i not drive my cunt home
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
