Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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