The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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