I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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