he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
