david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
