3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize