I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
