On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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