that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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