he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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