I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
