did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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