I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
