Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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