she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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