the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
