do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
