Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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