the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
