I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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