i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
