if i can run in heels then i can drive
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
its liver damage thursday
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
