Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
