Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
