i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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