Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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