i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
