I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
