You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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