ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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