when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
