i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
