Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
