You're my little dorito
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
