Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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