i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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