Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
