I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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