Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
