a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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