well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
