i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
