He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
