Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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