i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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