i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
