It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
