I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My vagina is officially offended.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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