Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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