Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
