At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
