i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
