I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
