I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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