I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
